Must be a reason

I saw daddy's building first

my family used to play this really inane game whenever we went on a trip. when we passed by downtown dayton (which, since about 80% of our road trips involved going through downtown dayton, happened a lot), the kids would all attempt to be the first to pinpoint the building where my dad worked (and where he still works, for that matter). so whoever said "i saw daddy's building first" would win. we wouldn't win anything, but we would have the satisfaction of being the best at identifying a very identifiable building. for some reason, we really got into that game. and then we hit puberty, and everything got screwed up.

that was a seemingly random story, but anecdotes like that one were flooding my brain for the past few days. as i said on the 23d, i don't get back to ohio very often. and i've noticed that when i do (make it back, i mean), i constantly remember a portion of shampoo planet:

you feel you have more memories than you have energy to process those memories.

all i do as i drive around (which i do a lot when i'm in ohio, because i'm either awake after everything is closed, or absolutely everything is closed because it's fucking christmas eve) is remember things. i can remember how to get to everyone's house. i still take the right turn from route 48 to whipp road too wide, which would mean immediate car-totalness if there was ever a car there.

i remember sitting in my dad's corolla, stopped on a dead-end street with the windows fogging up, holding the hand of a girl who was not my girlfriend while she cried her eyes out (but i can't remember why she was crying--typical). i remember running around on an unbelievably hot tennis court taking lessons from a young man who years later would be put in jail for murdering his girlfriend (true story). i remember being hit with a metal rake in the back of my legs by a girl who later said she did it because she liked me. i remember driving around listening to copper blue and marveling that such amazing music could exist under the noses of the radio stations in town.

i'm still overwhelmed by all of this. we're not talking about major memories...moments in my life that changed forever the way i thought about the world (although, without being really hyperbolic, listening to sugar for the first time comes close) or anything. i guess it's just that life in st. louis has been trying to push all of these memories of ohio out of my mind.

and when i visit my parents, ohio tries to push right back.

more later. i'm listening to "the act we act" right now.